I am not suffering!

I write this because I want to share with you all where I am at in this journey, mentally, emotionally. The initial diagnosis was shocking to say the least and tears were shed at that moment out of anger at our system and concern for Veer. Not one tear was shed for me and what would happen throughout this process.  I called Ron and told him through those tears.  When I reached home I had made up my mind that I didn't have time for this!! We discussed many things from best to worst case scenario's.  Deciding what we wanted Veer to learn from this and draw strength from seeing his mother go through this made my mindset easy.  I will not kid you....I am a chicken, afraid of many many things. I try to avoid anything painful and lots will say I'm just a big baby, over emotional and dramatic.  I am and do not apologize for any of them. However, knowing that Veer needed to see Strength, a Positive attitude, Humour and how to manage when something big comes along made my mindset easy!!  I have been nervous more of the unknown and so far my nerves were pointless and brief.  I think of the strength that my grandmother had when she underwent chemo and staying with us through her radiation. I think of all those that I have known, Aunts and Uncles, cousins and friends children that have been through what I will go through and that adds to my strength!

I decided to embrace what was happening to me and that along with my Lion of a Husband and all of your positivity has kept me at a place where the next step does not seem so bad.  I know the worst case scenarios! I do not fear them as I am determined to live life to the fullest throughout this entire journey! I see myself and our family still working, camping, planning and finding joy everyday together.  Some may feel that I would be suffering through this but, I am transforming like I have never had the freedom to do so before.   This has opened my eyes to what is really important and I am not suffering because of Cancer! I am learning how to truly live! 

You may also like

No comments: